What is it that I do not want people to know about me?

I don't want them to know...

• That I am insecure about my looks.
• That I believe that I have a difficult and boring personality.
• That I have failed at all of my attempts in my professional goals and I feel like a loser.
• That I pretend to have everything figured out but I have no idea what I am doing.
• That it doesn't take much for me to compromise my standards because deep down I believe I don't deserve them. 
• That I am resentful that I don't have the benefits of white privilege in my personal and professional life.  
• That I am guilty of all the seven deadly sins except for envy.
• That I don't/can't trust anyone and before that, my father was the only person I've ever trusted.
• That for the most part I strategically say and do things so that people can't hold my words against me later. In the few instances I do speak freely I berate myself and feel paranoid about it later. 
• That I care a lot about what people think of me.
• That I think I am a hypocrite. 
• That I don't live with integrity.  
• That I have disrespected myself and I am deeply ashamed of this.
• That I've been depressed for the last 3-4 years but most of that time I didn't realize it. 
• That I think I have a black heart and a dark soul. 
• That the only light I ever saw came from when I accepted Islam. 
• That I am too caught up in dunya and I struggle a lot with this. 
• That I make bad decisions.
• That I am afraid of remaining unmarried and possibly never having children.
• That I believe that some people are just lonely wandering nomads and I am one of them. I've never had the same group of friends for more than two year. I've never really had a best friend. 
• That I don't think I am intelligent.
• That I realized I don't like myself the way I am today and even if I ran away most of my problems would follow because they are my fault.
• That I used to think people underestimated me but now I'm starting to believe that I was arrogant. 
• That I am secretive but I don't want to be anymore because it's stressful with little benefit to me. 

...So that list is longer than I expected. The more I wrote the more I remembered. It feels really cathartic to get it out of my head and written down where I can look at it almost objectively. I can fix all of this, one good decision at a time inshaAllah.