The straight path

Ihdina s-sirata l-mustaqim

Here is where I spent my day

Earthly Paradise

Resentment

I resent you… and me

                            …And her and him

                                                             … And especially them!

For being here

                           … And doing this

                                                            ...Instead of there and that.

For feeling this

                            …And saying that

                                                            … Rather than that and this.

For every thing!

                             …For some things

                                                             … But mostly I feel nothing.

Once Friends, Now Strangers

Last time I felt like myself, I was with you on the south side.
Skipping rocks and picking conversation that would let us hide.
Exchanging ideas, trading stories, stealing glances, giving time
You would call me your sunshine but your smile was mine
You would sit with me for hours and never pay attention
It was enough for you that we were without pretension 

Last time I was myself, I was with you on the south side.
Before the worlds collided...and everything that implied 
We struggled with who would give in to survive
Rather than give up my heart, I opted for goodbye
Unintentionally leaving myself behind to adopt a foreign state of mind 
Leaving behind a friendship unconfined by a love undefined

Last time I knew myself, I was with you on the south side.
When your talks were enough for me to hide.
Giving, exchanging, trading, stealing from each other.
Under a cover, forsaking all except one another.
Now we tempt each other to find what we left behind.
But too many life times have passed to find.

Only because I don't know how to fly...

I fight.

I fail at life

Just one of those days....

One of them

Qaloo rabbana amattana ithnatayni waahyaytana ithnatayni faiAAtarafna bithunoobina fahal ila khuroojin min sabeelin

 They will say, `Our Lord! twice You have caused us to die (as the state without life before birth is a sort of death and the end of this life is the second) and twice You have given us life. We confess our sins (now). Is then, there, a way out (of the torment)?' (40:11)

Best description of winter...

"Winter in the country: a world of silence, wood smoke, whiteness. " Paul Auster

May Allah protect her from the plots of shaytan

The strangest things always happened to her. She always had fantastically absurd stories and excuses. I would listen to them with a mix of skepticism and amusement. At first I would think, so what if she told exaggerated stories, as long as they didn't hurt and were entertaining. Later I would come to realized that she never told a lie; Her world was just very different from mine. Her life was hilariously awkward. And I loved her.

We would often play in the field between our houses, run around the neighborhood making mischief. Her mom would lecture me not to wear shorts, and my mom always tried to feed her to death. She convinced me to wear hijab in second grade, it was our cool dress code. She is in almost every memory I have of childhood and adolescences.

Then her broken home broke her heart, she was gone and so were the days not marred by adult problems. I would hear about her through the gossip channels, that she moved away, fell for the wrong boy, kids, that her family put her through hell. Everybody failed her, family, friends, community, everyone. And now shes gone. 

There is nothing I can do about it really...

I suffer from a common form of congenital heart disease and malformation of the brain. In laymen terms, I am a woman.